With Earth Day fast approaching, we’re pleased to bring you the First Ever List of Grist Superlatives. It’s our modest take on the year past, and a few predictions for things to come. Miffed about what we missed? You’re welcome to make additions in Gristmill.
Soaking up the Sundance.
Photo: Eric Neitzel/ WireImage.com.
Most improbable movie star: Al Gore
Scariest preview of coming attractions: Katrina
Species most likely to go extinct within the year: climate skeptic
Mega-corporation we love to hate … or is it hate to love? (tie): General Electric; “Beyond” Petroleum
Most hackneyed phrase: “Green is the new black”
Political fight most reminiscent of Groundhog Day: Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
Biggest crybaby: Ted Stevens
Place we’d most like to see Grist‘s name: Chris Martin’s left hand
And the angels sing.
Photo: iStockphoto.
Press announcement most likely to be accompanied by music of angelic choir: Evangelical Climate Initiative
Greenest Kennedy of 2006: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Most hyped weed: switchgrass
Second-most hyped weed: hemp
Most likely to attempt to smoke own product: Willie Nelson
Most likely to attempt to blow smoke up your ass: Richard Pombo
Most popular environmental oxymoron: “clean coal”
Second most popular: “safe, clean nuclear power”
Summer time.
Photo: Emily Gertz.
Cutest tiny new car: Obvio!
Cutest tiny new car likely to be embraced by the American public: Yeah, right
Hottest eco-model: Summer Rayne Oakes
OK, only eco-model: Summer Rayne Oakes
Ex-big-oil executive most likely to show up with a bikini-clad girl on a chain and a grudge against Han Solo: Lee Raymond
Best new book on climate change: Field Notes From a Catastrophe
Other best new book on climate change: The Weather Makers
We are the walrus.
Photo: NOAA Photo Library.
Global-warming critter crisis most likely to make us sob (tie): starving polar bear; drowning baby walrus
Best green website (besides ours, of course): Treechanging … uh, we mean Worldhugger
Global-warming activist who pops up more often than Zelig: Laurie David
Stinkiest eco-innovation: San Francisco’s poop power
Kinkiest eco-innovation: phthalate-free sex toys
Sneakiest way for big ag to make a buck: corn-based ethanol
Angstiest question for green community: Are we dead?
Second-angstiest: Is it OK to say good things about Wal-Mart?
Floatie happens.
Photo: POOP.
Least photogenic eco-celeb: Mr. Floatie
Smartest fine-we’ll-do-it-ourselves political move (tie): U.S. Mayors Climate Protection Agreement; Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative
Most Scientology-esque acceptance of sci-fi writer as source of scientific truth: George W. Bush’s tête-á-tête with Michael Crichton
Best and worst marketing idea: Make-your-own Chevy Tahoe commercial
Government leader whose big talk on climate is most likely to be muffled by Bush’s bum affixed to his lips: Tony Blair
Most overlooked source of energy: efficiency
Web petition most likely to actually amount to something: stopglobalwarming.org
Hottest self-defeating anti-Kyoto argument: It costs too much, and doesn’t do enough
Hottest fake Kyoto: Asia-Pacific Partnership on Clean Development and Climate
Least significant environmental decision you will ever make, so for the love of god stop worrying about it: paper vs. plastic
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.
Photo: iStockphoto.
State most likely to secede: California
Hottest seller of 2010: hybrid minivan
Green celeb we kind of miss seeing around: Ed Begley Jr.
Story we feel most guilty for being bored by: ice, somewhere, melting
Best eco-themed folk music album: …
Least impressive way to demonstrate your eco-consciousness: buying stuff
Most likely to stock up on bottled water and beef jerky if oil surges past $80 a barrel: James Howard Kunstler
Term most likely to wear out the scare-quote key on our keyboards: “eco-terrorism”
Daily Grist headline we still chuckle about: Cattle Star Redactica
Law least able to protect itself: Endangered Species Act
Foaming at the mouth.
Photo: iStockphoto.
Most depressing acquisition of 2006: Colgate’s purchase of Tom’s of Maine
Worst way to deal with climate change: nuclear energy
Easiest way to create appearance of eco-benignity: green tags
Democratic senator most likely to stab enviros in the back: Daniel Inouye
Country most likely to be oil-free first: Sweden
Most likely to be last: don’t make us say it
Most over-used tool in environmentalist toolbox: fear
Tool still in bag with price tag on it: hope
Best car of 2006: your bike
Grist‘s favorite source of angry letters to the editor: vegans
Mustachiest geo-green: Thomas Friedman
Second mustachiest: Roscoe Bartlett
Best place to look for ways to reduce ecological impact: mirror
Add your own superlatives to the list in Gristmill.
